As holiday celebrations begin, the simple act of reconnecting with old friends brings to mind the profound role belonging plays in our well-being. The root of belonging traces back to Middle English bilangen (to pertain to) combining be as an intensifier and long as go along or be appropriate. While belonging isn’t etymologically derived from ‘longing,’ for the purpose of this short Monday morning spin, I’m choosing to explore their psychological connection rather than their linguistic separation. This morning, I found myself thinking about how belonging and kindness really shape the heart of a school community, and how ideas like be-coming and be-friending can help us build stronger connections and grow together.

Ecosystems of true belonging are rooted in implicit respect for the individuals in one's community. This doesn't mean that you always agree or fully understand others' perspectives, but it does mean that you create a safe space for the collective. This also doesn't mean that you don't see human differences, but it does mean you are able to recognize diversity and respect the many dimensions of human variation. The word collective indicates a group where shared and mutual interactions are influenced by other individuals. Collectivism refers to a cultural value that prioritizes the group over the individual, emphasizing cooperation, shared responsibility, and community well-being. This is particularly important in public schools, where large groups of individuals are placed in classroom environments with the expectation of coming together in community for the shared purpose of learning. Understanding these concepts helps us see why fostering a collective mindset is essential for creating inclusive and caring school communities.

Schools are social ecosystems where students, staff and families must work together to support collective belonging. Public education is not an individual endeavour, it is founded on shared commitments for positive academic and social outcomes. The intersection of belonging and longing in an educational context is important to consider. Humans have an innate need to belong, vast compilations of research illuminate the importance of being connected to something, to having a social identity and common sense of character. The need to belong is hardwired in human brains, it is a fundamental need as basic as nourishment and sleep. When social needs are not met, longing to belong manifests.

Psychological safety is an educational foundation. Longing represents the deep human desire to feel accepted and valued. Individuals who feel they belong are more able to take academic risks, engage in learning stretches, socially connect and partake in healthy connected relationships. This sense of belonging reduces negative interactions such as isolation, harassment, and other behavioural issues.

Several years ago at an international conference, I listened to a panel of educational leaders and designers discuss school safety. The majority of the conversation focused on building design and security measures to keep students safe in their buildings. While the premise of their conversation was deeply concerning to me as a professional and parent of two school-age children, what was equally as concerning were the missing aspects of their conversation about what happens inside the school building to support student well being and connectedness. Safe schools are not only about physical security; they are about human longing for connection. True connectedness in schools goes beyond physical measures; it encompasses the human need for belonging and trust.

By paying closer attention to kindness, we can transform longing into belonging, and continue to make our schools more compassionate communities for all. Kindness and belonging are not responses to challenges; they are proactive choices that collectively make our schools stronger. As the rain pours this morning, it reminds me that belonging doesn't happen by chance, it is a journey of (be)coming and (be)friending.

1. Be-coming invites us to grow into communities where diversity and respect are embraced. Our willingness and ability to respectfully consider the myriad of lived experiences in schools and classrooms is essential. Be-coming is a powerful concept that frames belonging as an ongoing process of growing, learning and transformation. It reminds us that we don't have all the answers and we certainly don't have all the understandings of other's lived experiences. It is a humble and critical space for humans to reside as we evolve and deepen our respectful understandings of human variation. Creating space for self-discovery alongside of collective growth frames classrooms as places of safe possibility and be-coming the best possible version of one self.
2. Be-friending calls us to extend kindness, to create bonds that transform longing into belonging. Modelling be-friending behaviours such as active listening, showing appreciation and resolving conflicts peacefully, alongside of celebrating acts of kindness are just as important as core academics in our public schools. We can work towards establishing be-friending as a cultural norm in schools by ensuring that kindness is cultivated and space is always saved for second chances as we grow and learn together. Be-friending is not just about being "nice" it is about intentional actions that affirm dignity and belonging for all. Kindness is the foundation of be-friending as it strengthens the collective by fostering trust and respect.

Small acts of kindness ripple into lasting belonging. As the holiday season unfolds, let's be intentional in our acts of giving, through simple moments of words of encouragement and through celebrating the little things. By embracing be-coming and be-friending, we can continue to create school communities where every individual feels respected and connected. This season, may we commit to cultivating kindness in our classrooms, turning longing into belonging, and strengthening the collective for the new year ahead.

In the spirit of author integrity and transparency, my Copilot AI thought partner helped wth slight edits and grammatical revisions to assist with publication.